Abuse

What Is Abuse?

Amy's finger was so swollen that she couldn't get her ring off. She didn't think her finger was broken because she could still bend it. It had been a week since her dad shoved her into the wall, but her finger still hurt a lot.

Amy hated the way her dad called her names and accused her of all sorts of things she didn't do, especially after he had been drinking. It was the worst feeling and she just kept hoping he would stop.

Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, verbal, or a combination of any or all of these. Abuse can also be neglect, which is when parents or guardians don't take care of the basic needs of the children who depend on them.

Physical abuse is often the most easily recognized form of abuse. Physical abuse can be any kind of hitting, shaking, burning, pinching, biting, choking, throwing, beating, and other actions that cause physical injury, leave marks, or cause pain.

Sexual abuse is any type of sexual contact between an adult and anyone younger than 18; between a significantly older child and a younger child; or if one person overpowers another, regardless of age. If a family member sexually abuses another family member, this is called incest.

Emotional abuse can be the most difficult to identify because there are usually no outward signs of the abuse. Emotional abuse happens when yelling and anger go too far or when parents constantly criticize, threaten, or dismiss kids or teens until their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth are damaged. Emotional abuse can hurt and cause damage just as physical abuse does.

Neglect is difficult to identify and define. Neglect occurs when a child or teen doesn't have adequate food, housing, clothes, medical care, or supervision. Emotional neglect happens when a parent doesn't provide enough emotional support or deliberately and consistently pays very little or no attention to a child. This doesn't mean that a parent doesn't give a kid something he or she wants, like a new computer or a cell phone, but refers to more basic needs like food, shelter, and love.

Family violence can affect anyone. It can happen in any kind of family. Sometimes parents abuse each other, which can be hard for a child to witness. Some parents abuse their kids by using physical or verbal cruelty as a way of discipline.

Abuse doesn't just happen in families, of course. Bullying is a form of abusive behavior. Bullying someone through intimidation, threats, or humiliation can be just as abusive as beating someone up. People who bully others may have been abused themselves. This is also true of people who abuse someone they're dating. But being abused is no excuse for abusing someone else.

Abuse can also take the form of hate crimes directed at people just because of their race, religion, abilities, gender, or sexual orientation.

Recognizing Abuse

It may sound strange, but people sometimes have trouble recognizing that they are being abused. Recognizing abuse may be especially difficult for someone who has lived with it for many years. A person might think that it's just the way things are and that there's nothing that can be done. People who are abused might mistakenly think that it's their fault for not doing what their parents tell them, breaking rules, or not living up to someone's expectations.

Growing up in a family where there is violence or abuse can make a person think that is the right way or the only way for family members to treat each other. Somebody who has only known an abusive relationship might mistakenly think that hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, or angry name-calling are perfectly normal ways to treat someone when you're mad.

Seeing parents treat each other in abusive ways might lead a child to think that's OK in relationships. But abuse is not a typical or healthy way to treat people.

If you're not sure you are being abused, or if you suspect a friend is, it's always OK to ask a trusted adult or friend.

Why Does Abuse Happen?

If you're one of the thousands of people living in an abusive situation, it can help to understand why some people abuse — and to realize that the abuse is not your fault. Sometimes abusers manipulate those they're abusing by telling them they did something wrong or "asked for it" in some way. But that's not true.

There is no single reason why people abuse others. But some factors seem to make it more likely that someone may lose control, yell, hit, or hurt.

Sometimes, growing up in an abusive family can lead a person to think that example is a good way to discipline others. Others become abusive because they're not able to manage their feelings properly. For example, someone who is unable to control anger or can't cope with stressful personal situations (like the loss of a job or marriage problems) may lash out at others inappropriately. Also, drinking too much and/or drug use can make it difficult for some people to control their actions.

Certain types of personality disorders or mental illness might also interfere with someone's ability to relate to others in healthy ways or cause problems with aggression or self-control. Of course, not everyone with a personality disorder or mental illness becomes abusive.

Fortunately, people who abuse can get help and learn how to take responsibility for how they act — and learn ways to stop.

What Are the Effects of Abuse?

When people are abused, it can affect every aspect of their lives, especially self-esteem. How much harm is done often depends on the situation and sometimes on how severe the abuse is. Sometimes a seemingly minor thing can trigger a big reaction. Being touched inappropriately by a family member, or being told to keep secrets, for example, can be very confusing and traumatic.

Every family has arguments. Friends, couples, coaches, and teachers can get upset, frustrated, or have a bad day. We all go through difficult times when someone is stressed and angry. Punishments and discipline — like removing privileges, grounding, or being sent to your room — are common.

Yelling and anger can happen in lots of parent-teen relationships and in friendships — although it can feel pretty bad to have an argument with a parent or friend. But if punishments, arguments, or yelling go too far or last too long it can lead to stress and other serious problems.

Teens who are abused (or have been in the past) often have trouble sleeping, eating, and concentrating. They may not do well at school because they are angry or frightened, or feel like they just don't care anymore.

Many people who are abused distrust others. They may feel a lot of anger toward other people and themselves, and it can be hard to make friends. Abuse is a significant cause of depression in young people. Some teens can only feel better by doing things that could hurt them like cutting or abusing drugs or alcohol. They might even attempt suicide.

It's common for those who have been abused to feel upset, angry, and confused about what happened to them. They may feel guilty and embarrassed and blame themselves. But abuse is never the fault of the person who is being abused, no matter how much the abuser tries to blame others.

Abusers may manipulate somebody into keeping quiet by saying stuff like: "This is a secret between you and me," or "If you ever tell anybody, I'll hurt you or your mom," or "You're going to get in trouble if you tell. No one will believe you and you'll go to jail for lying." This is the abuser's way of making a person feel like nothing can be done so he or she won't report the abuse.

People who are abused might have trouble getting help because it means they'd be reporting on someone they love — someone who may be wonderful much of the time and awful to them only some of the time.

People might be afraid of the consequences of reporting abuse, either because they fear the abuser or the family is financially dependent on that person. For reasons like these, abuse often goes unreported and many kids and teens don't tell anyone what is going on.

What Should Someone Who's Being Abused Do?

People who are being abused need to get help. Keeping the abuse a secret doesn't protect anyone from being abused — it only makes it more likely that the abuse will continue.

If you or anyone you know is being abused, talk to someone you or your friend can trust — a family member, a trusted teacher, a doctor, or a school or religious youth counselor. Many teachers and counselors have training in how to recognize and report abuse.

Telephone and online directories list local child abuse and family violence hotline numbers that you can call for help. There's also Childhelp USA at (800) 4-A-CHILD ([800] 422-4453).

Sometimes people who are being abused by someone in their own home need to find a safe place to live temporarily. It is never easy to have to leave home, but it's sometimes necessary to be protected from further abuse. People who need to leave home to stay safe can find local shelters listed in the phone book or they can contact an abuse helpline. Sometimes a person can stay with a relative or friend.

People who are being abused often feel afraid, numb, or lonely. Getting help and support is an important first step toward feeling better.

Many teens who have experienced abuse find that painful emotions may linger even after the abuse stops. Working with a therapist is one way to sort through the complicated feelings and reactions that being abused creates, and the process can help to rebuild feelings of safety, confidence, and self-esteem.

2.0 WHAT IS ABUSE?
definition, meaning, explanation, types, categories

Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional or verbal; it is intimidation or manipulation of another person or an intrusion into another's psyche; the purpose is to control another person. It is generally a long term pattern of behavior although specific short term interactions can be labeled abusive. Recently the following categories have been included in definitions of abusive behavior: social, economic, intellectual and spiritual. With child abuse neglect is also an important component.
Abuse cuts across all social categories and classes. It occurs in well educated high income areas and in low income working class areas; it happens in all races and religions. It can occur in families, extended families, in neighborhoods, schools, churches, and community groups. Both men and women can be abusive and it can occur in virtually all age groups. The old can abuse the young and the young the old. While standards are different in various cultures, it occurs in virtually all countries as well.
Because it is often learned at an early age, it can be passed from generation to generation like a family disease. This is called the intergenerational cycle of abuse.
Abuse tends to happen to people in a weaker position or to those who are willing to be accommodating. Thus a stronger brother will abuse a weaker brother; an agreeable and supportive wife may be abused by her uncompromising husband; a teacher may pick on a student who is having learning problems; a spoiled teenage boy may manipulate a parent in an abusive manner.
This site, AbusiveLove.com, is primarily about verbal abuse although it discusses other abusive behaviors as well. It concentrates on verbal because most abusive behavior includes verbal elements and because words and tone of voice can be indentified and changed more easily than other kinds. Attacking and changing abusive verbal behavior will go a long way to preventing other abusive problems.

Cause & Effect Essay: Bullying

Most people know that bullying is wrong. Calling someone names has absolutely no beneficial purpose. Moreover, hitting someone makes a bully feel good in the moment while doing permanent damage to the person being victimized. With the Internet, people now have even more opportunities to bully through cyberbullying. This includes sending crude pictures, posting fake web pages, or tweeting slanderous messages. Cyberbullying has subsequently led to a rise in a completely new kind of bullying.

One of the effects of bullying is that it can change the victim’s personality. It can cause people who are normally confident and happy to become self-conscious, shy, and unsure. Additionally, victims of bullying may also become sad or depressed. Their confidence might completely disappear, keeping them from trying new things or trusting people. Once a person has been bullied, they may hesitate to participate in situations where he or she might be ridiculed, such as in public speaking or in sports. A bullying victim might even begin to possess previously absent anxious
behavior.

Despite all the negative effects of bullying, there are even far more serious consequences. People who have been bullied sometimes become so upset, scared, or depressed that they see no worth in themselves and no way out of their torment. There have been countless reports over the past few years of students committing suicide because they were bullied. Meanwhile, there are times when victims see no recourse but to seek revenge by serious acts of violence against the bully and instigators. As a result of bullying, people can lose their ability to love and trust, denying them the chance to experience a quality relationship later in their life. They might find themselves as a submissive partner or they may want to be completely alone. Compounding all of these problems, victims often develop eating disorders, begin to self-injure, or require extensive counseling. Social bullying can also leave people without a supportive group of friends that they can lean on and spend time with.

Another unfortunate consequence of this is that bullying is often cyclical. People who have been bullied can, in an attempt to gain their power and self-esteem back, become bullies themselves. In relation to this, bullies who are not confronted or stopped may find themselves in future positions where they can bully as adults. This is where manipulative bosses and child abusers come from.

Aside from its long-term effects, some consequences of bullying can be seen and felt immediately. When one child calls another child names, the victim might cry and a bruise might appear after a punch to the arm. However, some effects of bullying are not always obvious to the naked eye. The results of bullying might grow and appear over time, damaging a person in profound ways for the long term. There are so many effects of bullying that they are impossible to count or predict. This is why it is so important to stop bullying.

Definition of taboo

noun (plural taboos)

·              a social or religious custom prohibiting or restricting a particular practice or forbidding association with a particular person, place, or thing:many taboos have developed around physical exposurethe use of violence must remain a taboo in our society[mass noun]:Freud applies his notion of taboo in three ways

·   a practice that is prohibited or restricted by social or religious custom:speaking about sex is a taboo in his country

adjective

·              prohibited or restricted by social custom:sex was a taboo subject

·   designated as sacred and prohibited :the burial ground was seen as a taboo place

verb (taboos, tabooing, tabooed)

[with object]

·              place under a taboo:traditional societies taboo female handling of food during this period